A little catch up

Realizing I haven't posted since February reminds me that a little catching up would be nice.

Here's a timeline:

February:

• IVF the week of February 9th.  Implementation on February 14th.  Spending Valentine's Day on my back has a whole new meaning.
• Phone message from hospital.  Hubs and I listened to the message in our living room, sitting on the couch, ready for bad news.  
• We're going to be parents.
• Multiple pregnancy tests.  All positive.
• IVF medication in all it's glory - including progesterone shots.

March:

• Continue IVF medication and progesterone shots.  Hubby heads out of town, call in a few favors from friends to give shot in the buttocks, and take friendships to a whole new level.
• More positive pregnancy tests.  High numbers with a possibility of multiples.
• See the baby (singular) on the monitor.  The most beautiful little blur I've ever seen.  Tears from my eyes and hubby's eyes.

April:

• Genetics referral and NIPT.  Genetics reveal it's a BOY.  
• Medication is weaned and Infertility sends us on our merry way.  Until next time.  Deuces.  

May:

• Appointments with Midwife begin.  
• That heartbeat aka the rhythm to a beautiful love song.
• I begin to "show" and wear different clothes.  Also, looks like I may have eaten Chipotle, hard to tell.  
• Finally allowed to move around a bit and "work out" again.

June:

• I discover the elastic waist band.  Genius.
• Take up a summer job in an office with A/C.  Also genius.

July:

• Continue to see the little man grow.  It's a boy.  It's a boy.  It's a boy!
• Take last vacation before becoming a mom.

August:

• Return to work and feel the first flutters in my belly.  
• Baby shower 1.
• Plan to work through 39th week.  Sounds like a good idea at the time.

September:

• Bum out the kids in my classroom since I can't play tag, but become a favorite target in Duck, Duck, Goose since I can't get up quickly.  
• Start to get awful sciatica.  Possibly from IVF scar tissue build up...?  Working out daily to fight the sciatica.
• Baby shower 2.
• Baby shower 3.
• Take labor and delivery classes.  Hubs masters the art of hand massage and hip squeeze.
• Find out the baby is breech.
• Wish I discovered the legging phase sooner.

October:

• Breech Version is successful.  Phew, no cesarean. 
• Work through my 38th week.  Realize that was a crazy idea.
• Find out I'm strep B positive = penicillin every 4 hours when i go into labor.
• Water breaks Oct. 30 @ 9:50 pm.  First contraction 10 minutes later.
• Check into hospital @ 1:00am October 31.  Silently pray child is not born on Halloween.  Publicly announce I do not want my child delivered by a nurse wearing a costume.  

November 1:

• Baby boy is born @ 2:56am.  Cesarean.  
• Fell deeper in love with hubs, now a daddy.
• Fell in love with a tiny baby.

It's a BOY

Hallelujah, it's a boy!

We had our son on November 1, 2015.  He is perfect.  He is beautiful.  He is loud.

On this Christmas I have made a few observations:

•  The song "Silent Night" seems a bit of a pipe dream or it was Mary's 2nd miracle.  
• In "Away in a Manger", the line of how the cattle are lowing and the poor baby wakes... shout out to Mary.  I realize "no crying He makes" is the rest of that sentence, but you still have a newborn with interrupted sleep... which means that Mary is also now awake and probably has to feed Jesus again or Joseph is up walking and rocking the baby and thinking about how good that noisy cow will look on his dinner plate.  
• The gift of a nap was a perfectly wonderful Christmas gift.
• After all that riding on a donkey, Mary must have been exhausted, no wonder she went into labor.  Which, I sympathize with since the minute I relaxed at the end of a long day, I did too.  That story to follow.
• Finally, it blows my mind and tears stream down my face to think God sent his son to Earth to die for mankind.  My heart broke a little when my son didn't fit into newborn clothes anymore, let alone the thought of handing him to teenagers to raise.  As I held my son this morning and listened to Christmas carols, I reflected on how precious the gift of baby Jesus really is.  It's amazing what I could "see" when I looked into my child's eyes this morning.  

get support

If you are reading this blog because you are heading to or through IVF, my best tip is to get support.

I avoided support from google groups, because I didn't want to spend more time thinking about my infertility.  There is too much other fun or mentally healthy places to do so.  Plus, sitting and reading is almost impossible with a cuddly, fat cat.

I avoided when people would tell me stories about "someone they know" who went through IVF, it was just one more sad story after another.  Although most ended with a hopeful note, it was still me fighting my inner monologue of "oh my God... someone get me a glass of wine...stop talking... this is depressing...oh my God... remember to nod... do I hug now?..  seriously, make it a big glass...how nice it worked out for them..."  I even had a few people offer to show me pictures of their friend's "miracles."

Aren't all children/ the conception of life, a miracle?  Moving on.

When people told me their own stories or offered up other people's phone numbers to talk to real people, that's when I felt supported.

Unless I specifically told them I don't want to talk about it, and then they continued to do so.  Balloon deflation.

It also helped to come clean.  Exposing my vulnerabilities to my friends and wearing the scarlet I was the best thing I did.  It was not easy.

The most amazing support I had was when friends came to my house and prayed and supported me in this time.  It was AMAZING!  To pray though this time, to hear truth spoken, to be reminded of me (not the me the meds create in my head) and to be washed in the love of Jesus was everything.  Everything.  I have amazing women in my life.  No, none of them have been through IVF, they are all great mommies, and they are amazing.... and they are pretty funny and make great crafts too.

Get support.  Legit support.

Must be 845

How I mix cocktails now.  The new happy hour at the Wilson house.

return of the tick

Day one of injections is over and done.  Round 2 is about to begin.

As of this week I have reverted to my old nervous tick of wringing my hands.  When I catch myself, I try to put lotion in my hands to at least give the habit some purpose.

When I come through this I might not just have a baby, I could also have really soft hands. Bonus.

Meeting the Niece

After much deliberation and inner turmoil, my charming husband convinced me to make the road trip to meet my niece.


I know, it sounds like a no brainer.  However, in the midst of the infertility, it felt like a trudge to make a visit to see a baby.  I know, I know... It's family.  Which is also the notion of "seriously? my younger brother has a child and I don't?"

We were supposed to leave on Sunday, but after a mini breakdown of my emotional stability we decided leaving on Monday would be the best option.  The journey was long, but the trip was worth it.  Meeting my sweet little niece, who looks alarming like my brother, was wonderful.  Holding her in my arms and watching her fight sleep for 20 minutes was absolutely lovely.  Staying on the extra bed of my parents house was the exact opposite.

Also terrible is when my mother stated to my sister-in-law, "when you're done with the bottles you can send them to Kirstie."  Yes she did.  To which my body heated up, my eyes turned black and as I slowly turned my head, and loudly stated "we don't know if I can have children."  So she promptly deflected to my father and focused on the last few drops of her 2nd glass of wine.

Dorothy was right, there is no place like home.