Badass to break down

Hooray! I get another month of sushi and wine and drinks and mmmmmm soft cheese and wine! And...and... It's another month of sushi...and wine... And disappointment.

Badass to breakdown in 2.5 seconds.

Cheers to a new personal record.

Bigger glass

Planning a friend's baby shower, iPad commenting on a friend's new baby, reading on Facebook about a newlyweds recent pregnancy... All while on the phone making my appointment for infertility. Pouring the wine in a bigger glass tonight.

Lead by example

My husband is convinced that he can train the cats (well, one of two) to pee in the toilet. He told me that the cats just need to watch him do it a few times. I am not convinced.

However, after waking up in the middle of the night to cat throw up noises I am now wondering what else cats can be taught to do in the toilet. If they can learn by example, looks like I have a date with tequila shots.

Bachelors much?

In a conversation about college (and how all my children will be going) we had an impromptu art project of university degrees. I made one for each kid in their area of expertise. One kiddo got their degree in "block building", one in "chalk drawing", and even one in "soccer ball kicking." I wrote "child development" for mine, like my real one.

All good until one child snotty sneezed into his hand...and then WIPED IT on my "degree."

It was then that I realized I'm literally using my degree to clean snotty noses.

You're only 4 once

Kid runs into me on the playground.
Kid "mrs. Wilson, I was trying to take you down"
Me: "literally or figuratively"
Kid: "yes"


Why do I want one of these things again?

Not keeping up

For a brief moment as I sipped my coffee I did that terrible comparison thing... "How come they are preggo and I'm not?"

This morning I wonder why Kim kardashian, who had failed marriages, a sex tape, and is famous for cleaning Paris Hilton's closet gets to be a mom. With that thick head of hair, that bitch has everything...


Then I remembered what she looks like when she's crying.

I felt much better.

basal diet

Every morning when I wake up I have the same routine.  I like to spring out of bed. 

It was really hard to break the routine after I bought the basal thermometer.  Every morning now when I wake up (not the little wake ups in between, or the wake up that happens 30 minutes before I need to wake up cause the cats are throwing up) I take my temperature. 

This ritual is getting old.  It's hard for me to hear the alarm, turn off the alarm while barely moving, slowly get the thermometer, lay in bed, wait for that little chirp and take my temperature.  Heaven forbid I have a crazy dream or can't open my side table.  This morning I was wrapped up in the sheets like a mummy or I must have dreamed I was a cinnamon roll...

This all sounds minuscule  but if there was an emergency, I would get seriously injured.  Why?  Because I would wake up and be taking my temperature and trying to chart it in my phone.  Poor Jon having to explain to people why his wife wasn't under the door frame for safety during the earthquake... she was taking her temperature since we want to have a baby of course.

It's ok honey, after I recover fully I can explain to everyone.  Just tell people I was saving a puppy from the middle of the highway.

Carpe the non mom life

I have taken on a personal quest to celebrate and appreciate life without a child....yet?...ever?...stop before you get sappy.

It's a task that still seems wildly silly and odd.

I started thinking "what's something a preggo/mom cannot do?" Then heard Maury in the background and renamed my task "what's something a good mom, in a healthy mindset, who doesn't have multiple baby daddies (allegedly) and is responsible shouldn't do."

This lead to sushi, soft cheese and wine at a friend's house. Tons of pregnancy free fun!

This also means I can still clean out the cat box... Not tons of pregnancy fun.

Different sense of humor

Today I came to my computer expecting to find many jokes about pregnancy on facebook.

While prophecy is not my usual spiritual gift, it appears God has bestowed it on me today.

My sense of humor is different.  I didn't find it a laugh, I didn't giggle and I'm sure I didn't smirk.  I guess I don't find the creation of life to be a joke since I can't get pregnant.  If my husband could, he would become a seahorse and take the burden away... which would only cause more problems, I'm sure.  

I write this because I have found that no matter how good my prayer life, how hard I plea, beg or cry out (and as a former cheerleader I got lungs) it's just something out of my control and apparently out of reach.  This ickyness of feeling not good enough has sat in my stomach like a pit for far too long.  It needs an outlet. 

 Writing is easier than hitting the gym.  Writing is less time consuming than finding a new hobby.  Writing is cleaner than gardening.  Writing is healthier than knitting outfits for my cats.  

(thanks seych for a little healthy encouragement towards typing.)