IUI process

I realized that I'm using the term IUI, but i haven't explained it.  Without having to go to wikipedia, I'll give you the play by play.

The basic IUI process is first heading to the infertility clinic to have a sonogram to have your ovaries checked out.  They will look at follicles, black spots on the screen, and will also check out your uterus.  At this appointment you may or may not be able to pick up your prescription.  This is an appointmentment that you should make back to back with the nurse to get instructions on how to give or receive shots.  You will probably get a practice saline shot from your partner.  Apparently, giving the shot feels like playing darts and you are the bullseye.

My prescription was a double dose of clomid, which comes with many warnings of side effects, and also the items for the trigger shot to make you ovulate.  The trigger shot includes the medication, syringe and needles.  This can be expensive too, depending on your insurance.  Just be forewarned.  I also got a prescription of estrogen to help build the uterine lining.  Estrogen apparently makes me aggressive, not weepy.  Caution.

Your next appointment will be post Clomid and will be another sonogram to check out the ovaries, follicles and uterus.  At that appointment they will decide when to give the trigger shot and when to have the IUI done.  The trigger shot and the IUI are 36 hours apart.

When you get the trigger shot, be as relaxed as you can be.  If your partner is nervous about giving the trigger shot, ask the doctor or nurse to draw a circle on your body of where the shot should go at that last appointment.  Hopefully. your trigger shot is at night and you can head to bed.  This time period can be emotionally distressing.  This is usually when I find myself frustrated that my husband and I are spending so much money and time at the doctor's while my Facebook feed pops up daily with people who are newly pregnant.

For the IUI, have your partner collect at home and then, while keeping the cup warm, together head to the doctor's.  The sperm need to be washed, collected, and put into a syringe.  In the mean time, you will get a hospital bracelet, have BP checked out and extra time to wait around and make nervous jokes with your partner.  This is also when my husband will pray over us with teary eyes and half beg for this to work.  It's hard to hear it the first time, and it gets harder with each time after that.  The plus side of this appointment, is that instead of getting the paper booties, I got real socks for my feet.  However, this excitement will wear off by the 4th time.

 When everything is ready, a long tube is inserted into the cervix and the sperm are pushed through via syringe.  This is what I refer to as "the worst parade ever."  This feeling can be uncomfortable, but not painful in my experience.  After all sperm are in and the tube is removed you get 10-15 minutes to lay back with your feet up and relax.

After I recommend heading home and relaxing more.  No long running for exercise.  Keep it an easy day for yourself physically and emotionally.  The appointment can be stressful enough.  I also recommend not taking phone calls from my mother, unless you want to hear about how other babies you know are doing and how she's so certain you will have one too...

One week post IUI is a blood test for progesterone done at a lab.

Two weeks after IUI is pregnancy test.  They say to test even if you start your period.

Keep tissues handy.  The waiting really is the hardest part.

You're not alone.  Obviously.

If you are as fortunate as I am, look forward to this process happening a few times and think of how many new pairs of fuzzy socks you can collect and not about how bad you want a martini.

Meeting the Niece

After much deliberation and inner turmoil, my charming husband convinced me to make the road trip to meet my niece.


I know, it sounds like a no brainer.  However, in the midst of the infertility, it felt like a trudge to make a visit to see a baby.  I know, I know... It's family.  Which is also the notion of "seriously? my younger brother has a child and I don't?"

We were supposed to leave on Sunday, but after a mini breakdown of my emotional stability we decided leaving on Monday would be the best option.  The journey was long, but the trip was worth it.  Meeting my sweet little niece, who looks alarming like my brother, was wonderful.  Holding her in my arms and watching her fight sleep for 20 minutes was absolutely lovely.  Staying on the extra bed of my parents house was the exact opposite.

Also terrible is when my mother stated to my sister-in-law, "when you're done with the bottles you can send them to Kirstie."  Yes she did.  To which my body heated up, my eyes turned black and as I slowly turned my head, and loudly stated "we don't know if I can have children."  So she promptly deflected to my father and focused on the last few drops of her 2nd glass of wine.

Dorothy was right, there is no place like home.

lets add cupping

Thursday was a sonogram appointment to check out the follicles and decide upon a trigger shot time.  They look good, trigger shot came later Thursday night. 

My wellness doctor advised an appointment before and after IUI.  The pre IUI appointment was Friday morning.  I got acupuncture in my back this time and then cupping.  I've never had cupping, but have seen it on celebrities and knew what I was in for.  It reminds me of sucking on a cup as a kid, to keep it on your face without your hands, only this time there is no ring around my face.  

Cupping was easy.  The weird part was the menthol put into the cups.  Why is it weird?  Because i could taste it after about a minute of it being applied.  Not taste it in the air, because I couldn't smell it... I could taste it.

I can't wait to see my husband's reaction.  

Remember the cup

As I was checking out from my sonogram (the on the checks on the follicles) the nurse asked me if I had everything I need.  I responded yes.  She asked me then specifically if I had a collection cup for my husband.  I told her, "yes, and a brown bag...I've heard the stories."  She then stated "it happened to me this morning, so I'm making sure everyone has their cup."

Someone brought in their collection in a small tupperware container... for their 4th IUI.  Not first.

Tupperware.

Don't be that person.

Go public

Facing infertility in the face was a difficult, and FREEING when I made the decision to go public... as public as social media can be.

I was so tired of the "when are you going to have children" questions.  When the "let me ask Siri" response didn't seem to be enough for people I realized I needed a new strategy.  It was also not on my google calendar and my uterus wasn't chirping in either.  Nor could I get a straight answer from the magic 8 ball or cootie catcher.  Shrugging shoulders doesn't seem to be a good enough answer either for some people.

The simple answer is: "I don't know."  Add in other words in the middle of that phrase to spice it up... unless you are talking to your mother.

I was also exhausted of the whispers and people who didn't get the answer they wanted from me and would question my husband or friends.  Awful right?

I was most tired by my mother telling her friends so they could pray for me or adding my information to the prayer chain.  We all know the prayer chain is church speak for gossip.  Yes we do.  Plus, then those people would ask me questions about babies, which caught me absolutely off guard.  NEVER catch a woman taking fertility drugs and hormones off guard, unless you have tissues and wine.  Seriously.

It also gives an inside for people who have kids to see what's on the other side.  The exact opposite of greener grass.  Why should they see it? Because they can't, won't ever, shouldn't have to... understand.  Those women will gain empathy, but not understanding.  When floating on the island of infertility in a sea of women with babies, it helps them gain inside information and know how to love and support you as their friend.  The reality is that you are not the only one with fertility issues, but yes EVERYONE is having babies.  Yes they are.  You want to be one of them too.

It's ok when they have 3 children. Or 4.  It's not like getting a hunting deer tag, and they have grabbed all the tags for the season.

Infertility does feel like bottled water.  WHY do people pay so much for it when you can get it for free.

Go public.

Just get it out there.

You're not alone.  You're reading this blog, so you must realize there are more women like you.

Stop watching Teen Mom on Netflix.  It's only going to make you mad.

Slow growth much?

Today was my appointment for my ultrasound to timeline my last IUI.  I've been very grateful that my darling husband has come along for these journeys.  There's no one I would want there more to hold my skirt and chonies during the appointment.

Apparently, this cycle (which is a lot like the last) will be a long cycle.  Which means my follicles aren't as big as they "should" be by day 14.  Which means these longer cycles seem to be a new trend.  Which means I will be heading back on Thursday for another ultrasound for the timeline.  I blame the super moon.

Actually, I will be back in the doctor's office on Wednesday.  I am signed up for a class to learn about how to inject myself with medication for the following cycle.  If this cycle is not successful, this is where we all cross our fingers and say a prayer that it does, then I move on to injections plus IUI.  My doctor nicknamed this process an "IVF test run."  As in, shots everyday, in and out of the doctor's office often, and more hassle than I'm used to.

As for my Wednesday appointment, the LVN stated to me that instead of late August, (smack in the middle of teacher prep week,)  she can get me in this week for the class.  She then stated "we have an opening because on of the girls called to say she is pregnant."  My response?  "That is one lucky bitch... and so am I, I'll take it."

Awful Timing

This morning I posted to social media that my husband and I are in the process of a 3rd IUI.

Then my brother posted on social media that his wife is going into labor.

 I have awful timing.

Hooray for a niece!

Do we have to eat?

Like a good wife, put all my husband's vitamins and supplements into a weekly pill holder.  Perhaps I am practicing for when we are 60.  We've both added in to our diet many a capsule of goodness to help promote fertility.

When my husband looked inside for his morning dosage, he sweetly asked "do we even have to eat anymore?"  Oh honey.

psychic power(less)

I get emails from this cute little boutique near my house and I have known the owner for a few years now.  In one of the emails there was a promotion for psychic readings at the boutique.  I was intrigued.  

I emailed back and asked the owner if she had ever been to a psychic and what she thought.  I had no intentions of actually getting "read", just curious about the whole process.  I feel the same way about skydiving and sticking a fork in the light socket.  The owner emailed back, gave me a brief description of when she had been "read" and asked if I wanted to come in.  I told her that as interesting as it sounds, I have spent all my fun money (for the next few years) on fertility.

So she offered to pay for it and I went.

It was interesting to say the least.  I walked in, introduced myself and she immediately commented on how I was named after a famous actress....actually, I am older than this actresses public career, so no.  I was given many general statements, some of which you can read on fortune cookies, which happen to be my favorite forms of advice.  Apparently I had many lives in Rome, where I was a hand maiden.  I also need to stop being the bread winner for my family, which I agreed to and when I start to become it I will promptly stop.  She also asked "what is in Texas?"  I responded "the alamo?" as I have no other connections to Texas.  She also told me my grandmother is with me in the car and enjoyed baking with me as a child and was proud of how she raised my mother.  Grandma didn't bake, didn't actually raise my mom and sure as hell didn't allow anyone to call her "grandma."

I have learned that I will apparently be moving East in the next two years, even though my husband and I talk about North and will be having a boy.  

Needless to say, I didn't find it insightful, but I did find it nice to get out of the house on a rainy day.  Besides, next door to the boutique is my favorite alterations place and I have pants that needed to be hemmed.