If you are reading this blog because you are heading to or through IVF, my best tip is to get support.
I avoided support from google groups, because I didn't want to spend more time thinking about my infertility. There is too much other fun or mentally healthy places to do so. Plus, sitting and reading is almost impossible with a cuddly, fat cat.
I avoided when people would tell me stories about "someone they know" who went through IVF, it was just one more sad story after another. Although most ended with a hopeful note, it was still me fighting my inner monologue of "oh my God... someone get me a glass of wine...stop talking... this is depressing...oh my God... remember to nod... do I hug now?.. seriously, make it a big glass...how nice it worked out for them..." I even had a few people offer to show me pictures of their friend's "miracles."
Aren't all children/ the conception of life, a miracle? Moving on.
When people told me their own stories or offered up other people's phone numbers to talk to real people, that's when I felt supported.
Unless I specifically told them I don't want to talk about it, and then they continued to do so. Balloon deflation.
It also helped to come clean. Exposing my vulnerabilities to my friends and wearing the scarlet I was the best thing I did. It was not easy.
The most amazing support I had was when friends came to my house and prayed and supported me in this time. It was AMAZING! To pray though this time, to hear truth spoken, to be reminded of me (not the me the meds create in my head) and to be washed in the love of Jesus was everything. Everything. I have amazing women in my life. No, none of them have been through IVF, they are all great mommies, and they are amazing.... and they are pretty funny and make great crafts too.
Get support. Legit support.
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Friday, February 13, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Twas the night before retrieval...
... and all through the house, not a creature was calm, not even my spouse.
I'm anxious. Nervous. Cautious. Hopeful. Blurred.
Today we celebrated the day "off" from medication, needles and blood work by going out to breakfast and having the forbidden coffee that we are cutting back on. We live dangerously.
Tomorrow we check in at 6:30 for surgery at 7:30. The orders are no food or drink after midnight, wear comfy clothes, bring warm socks and a photo ID. Check.
Tomorrow I will be put under anesthesia and when I come to, there should be lots of viable eggs in my doctor's care.
I'm looking forward to coming home and resting. I'm not looking forward to taking tylenol and getting a whole new regiment of medications...especially more hormones. So help us all if there is a sappy Visa commercial on TV.
I'm anxious. Nervous. Cautious. Hopeful. Blurred.
Today we celebrated the day "off" from medication, needles and blood work by going out to breakfast and having the forbidden coffee that we are cutting back on. We live dangerously.
Tomorrow we check in at 6:30 for surgery at 7:30. The orders are no food or drink after midnight, wear comfy clothes, bring warm socks and a photo ID. Check.
Tomorrow I will be put under anesthesia and when I come to, there should be lots of viable eggs in my doctor's care.
I'm looking forward to coming home and resting. I'm not looking forward to taking tylenol and getting a whole new regiment of medications...especially more hormones. So help us all if there is a sappy Visa commercial on TV.
Friday, January 30, 2015
return of the tick
Day one of injections is over and done. Round 2 is about to begin.
As of this week I have reverted to my old nervous tick of wringing my hands. When I catch myself, I try to put lotion in my hands to at least give the habit some purpose.
When I come through this I might not just have a baby, I could also have really soft hands. Bonus.
As of this week I have reverted to my old nervous tick of wringing my hands. When I catch myself, I try to put lotion in my hands to at least give the habit some purpose.
When I come through this I might not just have a baby, I could also have really soft hands. Bonus.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Bummer Summer
The Friday before labor day, my husband and I discovered this IUI did not take. More specifically, I had just finished my orientation for preschool. As I was standing there answering the last few rounds of new preschool parent questions, I felt it. Under my breath I muttered "well hot damn" and finished up. My thoughts were confirmed when I had a chance to get away.
My husband and I feel like failures. I am not someone who faces much failure, so this is hard to take in. We know that we spent the entire summer taking it easy, swallowing pills, getting acupuncture, sitting in the doctor's office, avoiding alcohol, moving around schedules and more... and it has all amounted to zip. zero. zilch. Zrustration.
We did decide to go out with a bang. This labor day weekend we indulged on everything we cut out. I had a bloody mary, chocolate, beer, cheese and even white bread. Yes, I live dangerously.
I am now on 2 weeks of birth control pills to delay my cycle. Next stop, Menopur.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
IUI process
I realized that I'm using the term IUI, but i haven't explained it. Without having to go to wikipedia, I'll give you the play by play.
The basic IUI process is first heading to the infertility clinic to have a sonogram to have your ovaries checked out. They will look at follicles, black spots on the screen, and will also check out your uterus. At this appointment you may or may not be able to pick up your prescription. This is an appointmentment that you should make back to back with the nurse to get instructions on how to give or receive shots. You will probably get a practice saline shot from your partner. Apparently, giving the shot feels like playing darts and you are the bullseye.
My prescription was a double dose of clomid, which comes with many warnings of side effects, and also the items for the trigger shot to make you ovulate. The trigger shot includes the medication, syringe and needles. This can be expensive too, depending on your insurance. Just be forewarned. I also got a prescription of estrogen to help build the uterine lining. Estrogen apparently makes me aggressive, not weepy. Caution.
Your next appointment will be post Clomid and will be another sonogram to check out the ovaries, follicles and uterus. At that appointment they will decide when to give the trigger shot and when to have the IUI done. The trigger shot and the IUI are 36 hours apart.
When you get the trigger shot, be as relaxed as you can be. If your partner is nervous about giving the trigger shot, ask the doctor or nurse to draw a circle on your body of where the shot should go at that last appointment. Hopefully. your trigger shot is at night and you can head to bed. This time period can be emotionally distressing. This is usually when I find myself frustrated that my husband and I are spending so much money and time at the doctor's while my Facebook feed pops up daily with people who are newly pregnant.
For the IUI, have your partner collect at home and then, while keeping the cup warm, together head to the doctor's. The sperm need to be washed, collected, and put into a syringe. In the mean time, you will get a hospital bracelet, have BP checked out and extra time to wait around and make nervous jokes with your partner. This is also when my husband will pray over us with teary eyes and half beg for this to work. It's hard to hear it the first time, and it gets harder with each time after that. The plus side of this appointment, is that instead of getting the paper booties, I got real socks for my feet. However, this excitement will wear off by the 4th time.
When everything is ready, a long tube is inserted into the cervix and the sperm are pushed through via syringe. This is what I refer to as "the worst parade ever." This feeling can be uncomfortable, but not painful in my experience. After all sperm are in and the tube is removed you get 10-15 minutes to lay back with your feet up and relax.
After I recommend heading home and relaxing more. No long running for exercise. Keep it an easy day for yourself physically and emotionally. The appointment can be stressful enough. I also recommend not taking phone calls from my mother, unless you want to hear about how other babies you know are doing and how she's so certain you will have one too...
One week post IUI is a blood test for progesterone done at a lab.
Two weeks after IUI is pregnancy test. They say to test even if you start your period.
Keep tissues handy. The waiting really is the hardest part.
You're not alone. Obviously.
If you are as fortunate as I am, look forward to this process happening a few times and think of how many new pairs of fuzzy socks you can collect and not about how bad you want a martini.
The basic IUI process is first heading to the infertility clinic to have a sonogram to have your ovaries checked out. They will look at follicles, black spots on the screen, and will also check out your uterus. At this appointment you may or may not be able to pick up your prescription. This is an appointmentment that you should make back to back with the nurse to get instructions on how to give or receive shots. You will probably get a practice saline shot from your partner. Apparently, giving the shot feels like playing darts and you are the bullseye.
My prescription was a double dose of clomid, which comes with many warnings of side effects, and also the items for the trigger shot to make you ovulate. The trigger shot includes the medication, syringe and needles. This can be expensive too, depending on your insurance. Just be forewarned. I also got a prescription of estrogen to help build the uterine lining. Estrogen apparently makes me aggressive, not weepy. Caution.
Your next appointment will be post Clomid and will be another sonogram to check out the ovaries, follicles and uterus. At that appointment they will decide when to give the trigger shot and when to have the IUI done. The trigger shot and the IUI are 36 hours apart.
When you get the trigger shot, be as relaxed as you can be. If your partner is nervous about giving the trigger shot, ask the doctor or nurse to draw a circle on your body of where the shot should go at that last appointment. Hopefully. your trigger shot is at night and you can head to bed. This time period can be emotionally distressing. This is usually when I find myself frustrated that my husband and I are spending so much money and time at the doctor's while my Facebook feed pops up daily with people who are newly pregnant.
For the IUI, have your partner collect at home and then, while keeping the cup warm, together head to the doctor's. The sperm need to be washed, collected, and put into a syringe. In the mean time, you will get a hospital bracelet, have BP checked out and extra time to wait around and make nervous jokes with your partner. This is also when my husband will pray over us with teary eyes and half beg for this to work. It's hard to hear it the first time, and it gets harder with each time after that. The plus side of this appointment, is that instead of getting the paper booties, I got real socks for my feet. However, this excitement will wear off by the 4th time.
When everything is ready, a long tube is inserted into the cervix and the sperm are pushed through via syringe. This is what I refer to as "the worst parade ever." This feeling can be uncomfortable, but not painful in my experience. After all sperm are in and the tube is removed you get 10-15 minutes to lay back with your feet up and relax.
After I recommend heading home and relaxing more. No long running for exercise. Keep it an easy day for yourself physically and emotionally. The appointment can be stressful enough. I also recommend not taking phone calls from my mother, unless you want to hear about how other babies you know are doing and how she's so certain you will have one too...
One week post IUI is a blood test for progesterone done at a lab.
Two weeks after IUI is pregnancy test. They say to test even if you start your period.
Keep tissues handy. The waiting really is the hardest part.
You're not alone. Obviously.
If you are as fortunate as I am, look forward to this process happening a few times and think of how many new pairs of fuzzy socks you can collect and not about how bad you want a martini.
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